


Have Faith In Me

by tusslee



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: 707 Route Spoilers, Eventual Relationships, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Saeran-centric, Slow Build, and he deserves to be happy, because I love him, domestic shit, her name is mc, i live for the choi boys okay, mc is her own character, wow so original
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-15
Updated: 2016-12-21
Packaged: 2018-09-08 17:50:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8855104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tusslee/pseuds/tusslee
Summary: Chronological snippets of Saeran's relationships developing between Saeyoung, MC, and Yoosung along with his healing process and just life in general.This boy deserves to be happy and so I will make him happy, dammit.





	1. Saeyoung

**Author's Note:**

> these first two chapters are really built around Saeran's relationships with Saeyoung and MC. Yoosung will make his appearance in the following chapter and from there the two of them will build bc I love me some yooran, hell yeah, but I needed some type of closure. you get me.

_“I will always accept you… Just come back to me when you are ready.”_

_“Even if you think no one in this world loves you, even if there is no point for you to stay alive in this world, you are all wrong. You just existing beside me… gives me one more reason to live.”_

_“Please… don’t leave without me. I will never leave without you too…”_

-

Saeyoung’s words are on constant rotation inside Saeran’s head, replaying on an endless loop. 

He doesn’t need the reminder, yet he can’t tune it out. 

“Recovered” isn’t the word he’d use for his situation, more like “recovering”. He is a work in progress, something delicate being glued back together piece by fragile piece. 

His therapist says slow progress is better than no progress, but most days he feels like he’s at a standstill while the rest of the world blurs past him. 

He is at a busy street corner in the middle of a bustling town and his feet are frozen to the ground. He has nowhere to go anyway, but something wants to drag him forward. Or pull him backward. 

But he can’t move. He’s stuck in the middle of the sidewalk in everyone’s way as they push and shove to cross the road. 

They look through him, but never at him. They see him as an obstacle, a wall to get around. 

No one knows him. He has no name, but when Saeyoung calls him, everyone else disappears. 

And his twin stands there across the street in his stupid jacket and idiotic glasses, smiling at him as he holds his hand out. 

An empty street separates them and Saeran’s feet are free, but he still doesn’t move because at any moment Saeyoung might disappear. Just like last time. If he takes his hand, he’s afraid of what will happen, but the only other option is to turn backward where the sky is dark and there is no Saeyoung. 

Saeran is not willing to look behind himself, nor is he willing to grasp his brother’s outstretched hand that so resembles his own. So he stays planted in the same spot and hopes maybe his shoes will grow roots, then he can call this place his home. 

-

“Are you hungry?” MC’s soft voice snaps his attention away from the TV and she offers a bowl of soup that he gratefully accepts.

He can’t remember if he had breakfast.

“Where’s Saeyoung?” The question is out of his mouth before he has time to consider it and now she’s got the wrong idea, surely. As if he misses his brother, or something.

“He’ll be home soon, he was just signing the rest of the papers for the little shop we’re buying. That boy, when he gets something in his head he never lets it go.” She smiles fondly and he thinks Saeyoung doesn’t deserve her. She’s far too good for him.

“If he makes more toys like that little fire-breathing dog, there’s no way he’ll maintain a decent business.” She laughs. He hadn’t intended to be funny, but he enjoys her laugh and the way the corners of her eyes crinkle when she smiles. 

“I think he’ll manage okay. I’ll be there to keep an eye on him anyway, and you can jump all over his case if I don’t catch him first. We’ll be a team!” She exclaims happily. He can’t find it within himself to disagree, so he nods and continues to eat. 

Saeran knows the truth. 

He’s heard the same story from multiple mouths now and all of it makes sense, but rationality does not always win, as he’s learned. 

He thinks that’s the worst part: knowing the fears and anxieties are irrational, but still having to deal with the very real emotions they bring along with them. Occasionally he manages to remind himself that what he’s thinking in the moment makes no logical sense, but more often than not reality is too far out of his reach to grab hold of again. It’s a tug of war and it’s _frustrating_. 

Keys jingle as the front door opens and MC gets up to greet her fiancé. Saeyoung runs his fingers through Saeran’s hair as he passes through the living room, “Saeran, did you have a good day?” He lingers until his brother responds.

“Mm.” Saeran knows it’s not much, but it’s better than ignoring him like he so badly wants to do. 

Logically, he shouldn’t still feel so angry. He knows both of them were fed lies and led to believe things that weren’t true, but for so long he believed Saeyoung left him behind and that pain won’t fade no matter how hard he tries to bury it. 

Things can’t ever go back to the way they once were. They both know that, Saeran thinks, but he also thinks Saeyoung still plans to try. His brother has always been stronger, always held the more positive outlook on life, and has always been more patient. He supposes it’s a wonder Saeyoung hasn’t snapped yet, but his eyes never waver. 

He looks at him, not through him. 

Sometimes he thinks Saeyoung sees him as a puzzle to be solved only because he calculates every move he makes before following through. Saeran is an unstable bomb that he’s trying desperately to defuse. That’s what it feels like. More often than not, though, he just feels like shutting Saeyoung out rather than exploding. Yelling at him, hurting him, that kind of thing doesn’t faze him. He takes everything thrown at him, words or otherwise, and still tells him he loves him. 

Saeran doesn’t want his love. 

That’s a blatant lie.

He desperately wants his brother’s love. He wants his attention, his affection. He wants him to look at him because for so long he tried to forget the color of his eyes.

Saeyoung is stronger than Saeran is, but they are one. If his other half is strong, it is the same as if he is strong, or that’s what Saeyoung told him when they were younger.

MC kisses her fiancé and then ruffles Saeran’s hair, which he only lets her do because she tolerates both him and his brother, then she wishes them a goodnight and disappears down the hallway. 

Saeyoung sits beside his brother, closer than Saeran really likes and mutes the TV. 

“How are you tonight?” The question has become part of a daily routine where Saeyoung attempts to figure out his twin’s mood. 

Saeran sighs, feels his walls crumble a little bit more, then leans into his brother. “Tired.”

“How was therapy?” Saeyoung eases an arm around Saeran’s shoulders, holds him tightly against his side.

“We talked.” Saeran lets the exhaustion being to take over and closes his eyes. Saeyoung is warm against him.

“You always talk.” Saeyoung chuckles, “Do you feel better after talking with her? I can always look for someone different if you don’t think she’s helping.”

Saeran shakes his head, “She’s good. She listens, doesn’t ask how everything makes me feel. Sometimes I feel silly after telling her something because it’s irrational.”

“Irrational doesn’t make it silly.” Saeyoung argues, “It’s irrational to be afraid of the monsters under your bed, but when you’re younger and someone instills that fear in your head, it becomes very real. Belittling your feelings won’t change them or make them go away, nor will it improve anything.” 

“You sound like a therapist now, knock it off. I don’t need two of them.” Saeran complains as he struggles to free himself from his brother’s grasp.

“Don’t leave me, Saeran!” Saeyoung whines, playfulness shattering his previous seriousness. Saeran doesn’t know which side of his brother he dislikes more, but it’s probably the one that clings to him like a child. 

“I’m not going anywhere.” He assures then shoves his twin’s hands off him. “I just don’t need you lecturing me too. I’m tired.”

Saeyoung sighs as he runs a hand through his overgrown hair, “I know that you’re trying, Saeran, but some days I feel like I don’t know what to do anymore.” Saeran shifts uncomfortably and glances between his brother and the floor. “This is hard for you, but it’s hard for me too because I have to watch you suffer. We’re connected… when you hurt, I hurt and I feel so helpless when I know nothing I can do or say will make things better.”

“I don’t know,” Saeran swallows thickly, “I don’t know how to make things better. I still hate you some days, still want to snap and fucking rip my hair out because it’s _so loud_ in my head sometimes.” His voice drops to a whisper as he pulls his legs up under himself. “I’m so afraid of being hurt again, Saeyoung. I dream of you leaving me, of my fingers around your throat and I wake up in a panic because I can’t lose you again.” 

Saeyoung blinks hard to keep from crying and gently grips his brother’s shoulder. Saeran’s eyes land on him and Saeyoung watches the tears slip down his cheeks silently, watches his bottom lip tremble and his walls completely crumble into nothing. He opens his arms and Saeran falls into him. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry…” Saeyoung repeats through shaky breaths as his brother cries against his shoulder, tears soaking his shirt. 

“I’m n-not the strong one.” Saeran’s fingers fist in Saeyoung’s shirt as Saeyoung rubs his back soothingly.

“We’re the same. I am you, you are me. If I’m strong, it’s the same as if you’re strong.” Saeyoung holds his brother tightly, “I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.” He murmurs under his breath. 

Saeran loses track of time. He’s not sure how long they stay like that, how long Saeyoung holds him and lets him cry like a child, but when the tears finally stop flowing, there’s nothing left but an overwhelming exhaustion. 

Saeyoung moves first. He sits back and takes his brother’s face in his hands, searches his watery eyes, then presses a tender kiss to his forehead. “You and I will make it through this. Our family will be beside us and I promise I’ll do whatever it takes to makes us happy again.” 

Everything that usually screams for Saeran to tuck tail and run is silent. The panic and anger that usually accompany one of his brother’s promises is nowhere to be found. Instead, he feels hope for the first time in a long time and he makes the rational decision to believe him because he needs to put his faith in something and what better than himself?


	2. MC

Saeran watches out the window as MC drives them back home. 

The routine they’ve fallen into is comfortable and he finds they both appreciate the silence more than forced small talk and he really likes that about her. 

She never presses him when he doesn’t want to talk, but she always lets him know she’s listening. Again, he thinks she’s much too good for Saeyoung. 

“How’d it go today?” She finally asks, as she almost always does after his appointments. 

“Well,” Saeran sits back in the passenger seat and glances sideways at her, “it went well.”

MC smiles and drops a hand to his knee, “I’m really glad. It tears me up when you come out crying. I know you don’t like me bothering you on rough days, and I don’t always have the magic words, but I’m still right here.” 

Saeran bites his lip and grabs her hand from his knee, fingers threading through hers, “I know. Thank you.” 

“Of course. Oh! I went grocery shopping yesterday and I don’t know if you saw, but I got ice cream. If you help me with dinner I’ll pretend like I have no idea where the quart went when Saeyoung asks.” 

“But I haven’t…” He trails off when she winks and he gets it. He hides his smile in his shoulder and sinks down a little further in his seat, still holding her hand and she lets him until they get home.

Saeran is actually a pretty good cook, which he hadn’t been expecting, but turns out he’s a better hands-on learner and MC is an excellent teacher. 

“Saeyoung just confirmed the date for renovation to begin and if all goes according to plan, we’ll be ready to open in just under three months!” MC tells him excitedly as she peels another potato then drops it into the pot on the stove. 

Saeran finishes cutting up the peppers to add to the pan that sits on the counter already containing chicken breast and red pepper vinaigrette, “That soon? I figured it’d take longer. He’s already got one of those obnoxious parrots sitting around somewhere. MC, he’s going to make the AIs too smart for the kids to handle. I’m afraid his robots will take over the world.” 

MC laughs and kicks the heat up on the burner then sets the timer for the oven, “I can’t say it would surprise me, but these are just little experiments he’s working on. Saeran, you should give it a try. It might even be fun.” 

“I don’t know about that.” Saeran shakes his head, but smiles despite himself and wipes his hands on his apron after he dumps the rest of the peppers into the pan. “That can go in now.” He says. MC slips the pan into the oven then leans against the counter to assess him.

“Can you keep a secret?” She asks after a moment. 

Saeran shrugs, “From who?”

“Saeyoung,”

“Uh, probably not,” Saeran rubs the back of his neck, “he can read me like a book so he’ll know- wait, why? Did something happen?”

MC’s eyes are full of mirth and her smile is so tender it makes Saeran’s chest ache. He thinks his brother is lucky to have someone so overflowing with kindness in his life and by extension, so is he. 

“Saeran,” she takes his hands in her tinier ones and squeezes, “you’re going to be an uncle.”

It takes a moment to sink in, but then he’s laughing and pulling her into his arms, “You’re pregnant?!” 

“Not so loud!” She shushes him, “Saeyoung will be home anytime now. I just found out so I haven’t told him yet, but I bought something…” 

The front door bangs open then and she presses her lips together to silence herself as she steps away from Saeran and checks on the food. Saeran tries his best to look innocent when Saeyoung walks in. He hugs his fiancé first, presses a quick kiss to her temple then wraps Saeran in a one-armed, loose hug that he doesn’t immediately refuse. “How were my two favorite people’s days?” He asks as he hops up onto the counter.

Saeran manages to slip away when MC starts reiterating her day after Saeyoung left for work and hunts for his phone. He clicks his tongue when he sees how many messages he has then flops into bed to read through them. 

Most of them are from Yoosung, but there are a couple from Saeyoung and one from MC. He really needs to get into the habit of keeping his phone on him more often. He logs into the chatroom to find Zen nagging Yoosung again, not an uncommon sight to see. 

**-Saeran has entered the chatroom-**

**ZEN:** Just study harder. The ladies are attracted to men who have an actual future.  
**ZEN:** Not kids who play video games all day long.  
**ZEN:** Oh, hi Saeran.

**Yoosung:** Saeran~!  
**Yoosung:** you never replied!  
**Yoosung:** how come???  
**Yoosung:** you seriously need to get better at keeping your phone on you

Saeran can’t help but agree,

**Saeran:** I know.  
**Saeran:** Sorry.

**Yoosung:** Don’t apologize!  
**Yoosung:** I was just worried about you~

**ZEN:** Shift some of that worry onto your homework!

**Yoosung:** gah!  
**Yoosung:** I don’t have to listen to this  
**Yoosung:** lecture me when you get a girlfriend!  
**Yoosung:** Saeran, text me  
**Yoosung:** I’m leaving so Zen will stop nagging

**-Yoosung has left the chatroom-**

**ZEN:** He doesn’t know how to take a bit of advice.  
**ZEN:** Honestly, I’m only looking out for his future.

**Saeran:** That’s nice.  
**Saeran:** Expect my brother to blow up the chatroom soon.  
**Saeran:** Yoosung’s texting. Bye Zen.

**-Saeran has left the chatroom-**

“Saeran~!” Saeyoung calls from the kitchen, “Dinners done!” 

The two of them are already dancing around each other in the kitchen when Saeran walks in, MC is juggling her own plate and three glasses along with a gallon of milk while Saeyoung is dishing up his plate and one for Saeran. 

“I’m not entirely incapable.” Saeran mutters as he takes the milk from MC and swipes his own plate from the counter. 

“Some thanks I get for being sweet to my baby brother~” Saeyoung pouts as he sits between Saeran and MC. Saeran elbows him and Saeyoung elbows him right back. 

MC clears her throat and pushes her plate away as she pulls a small bag from seemingly nowhere, “I’ve got something for you, Saeyoung.” She smiles and wiggles her eyebrows.

“Is that really appropriate at the dinner table, MC?” Saeran chokes and elbows his brother again, harder this time, but Saeyoung only laughs as he takes the bag. “Hmm, hmmm, what could it be~ it’s not my birthday… am I conveniently forgetting a holiday?”  
Saeyoung flings the few pieces of tissue paper from the bag and eyes MC.

“Hurry and see!” She encourages. Saeran thinks he should have brought his phone to capture his brother’s reaction, but instead he props his chin on his hand and watches Saeyoung pull the small onesie from the bag in confusion. 

The writing on the front says: “I got it from my daddy”, which makes Saeran snort. Leave it to MC. 

For once in his life, Saeyoung is speechless and Saeran finds it almost as entertaining as when he banged his elbow against the corner of the wall last week. 

“R-really…?” Saeyoung grips the fabric in trembling fingers, “I’m going to be a dad?” MC nods then holds up an ultrasound picture that just looks like static to Saeran, but it breaks his brother. Saeyoung slaps a hand over his mouth and begins to cry and Saeran feels like he’s invading something private so he quietly excuses himself with his plate of food to finally text Yoosung back. 

**Saeran:** I’m going to be an uncle.  
**Saeran:** Don’t tell the others yet, I think MC and my idiot brother will want to do that.

He sends and chuckles at the response,

**Yoosung:** CONGRATS!  
**Yoosung:** Omg this is so exciting!!!  
**Yoosung:** How did Saeyoung take the news???

Saeran tells him and finishes his dinner, losing track of time as he texts back and forth with Yoosung until MC knocks on the door. He glances up and she smiles shyly as she hovers. “Thank you for today, Saeran. Your brother is dying to bombard you, but I made him do the dishes. Oh,” she pulls a quart of ice cream from behind her back with a wink and hands it to Saeran along with a spoon. She puts her finger to her lips, “I don’t know anything.” She says before she pulls his door closed with a soft ‘goodnight’. 

“An uncle, huh?” Saeran muses as he shoves his spoon into the ice cream. “Should probably read some books.”


	3. Yoosung

Saeran taps his foot impatiently while his phone rings in his ear, “Pick up..” He grumbles then sighs when Yoosung finally answers, “Yoosung! Listen to this.” He holds his phone out and grinds his teeth together when the incessant screaming continues to ring through the house. “I’m coming over.” He says when he puts the phone back to his ear.

Yoosung chuckles, “Sure, sure. Bring an extra controller. My spare took a shit.” 

“I’ll be there in a half hour. I’m going to stop and grab some snacks. Anything you want?” Saeran asks as he throws one of Saeyoung’s controllers into his bag.

“Honey-

“If you say Honey Buddha chips, I will end you.”

“Honey… Honey, um. No thanks, _honey_?” Yoosung tries and Saeran rolls his eyes as he pulls his shoes on. 

“Okay, _dear_. Unlock your door so I’m not standing outside for ten minutes looking like an idiot. See you soon.” He hangs up and shoves his phone into his pocket before he scribbles a quick note for his brother or sister-in-law to find. 

Saeran loves his niece, honest to god he does, but there’s something that he can’t handle when she cries like this. The noise only fuels his anxiety and since Yoosung has a spare couch, he figures why the hell not?

Being an uncle, turns out, is not all it’s cracked up to be. Saeran is surprisingly good with kids and manages to make Nari smile more often than Saeyoung, which he takes great joy in, but his patience is very, _very_ thin.

MC and Saeyoung have definitely had their hands full for the past two weeks, but both of them are completely wrapped around that little girl’s finger already. Saeran can’t blame them, though, she’s quite precious. He doesn’t know if it’s fortunate or unfortunate that she’s inherited her father’s and his own fiery hair, but he thinks it suits her. 

Even though he said he wouldn’t get Yoosung those godawful chips, he still swipes a bag from the shelf as he passes them. Yet another person who has him wrapped around their finger. He doesn’t really mind, though. Yoosung is an excellent vacation when his brother becomes too much to handle. 

Saeran shifts the bags in his hands and tries the handle only to find it locked. “ _Really_?” He huffs then knocks harshly and continuously until Yoosung yanks the door open.

“I hear you!” The blonde complains, eyebrows furrowed as he steps back to let Saeran in. His headphones are wrapped around his neck, the cord still dangling from where he probably ripped it from his controller to answer the door. 

“I specifically told you to unlock the door.” Saeran reminds as he shoves the bag of chips into Yoosung’s hands. 

Yoosung’s irritation immediately fades into joy when he realizes what’s been shoved into his arms. “Saeran~ you’re the best.” He gushes then locks the door again before following the redhead further into his home. 

Saeran drops his bag at the foot of Yoosung’s bed then flops onto his couch, face buried in the pillows. He groans and ignores the weight that shifts the cushions by his head. “That bad, huh?” Yoosung rips the bag open and shoves a handful of chips into his mouth before he wipes his fingers on his jeans and grabs his controller again. “Saeyoung asked me to babysit next Tuesday when he and MC have to meet with the carpet guy at the shop. Said he didn’t want to ask you because you’ve been pulling your hair out already.”

“The kid never shuts up.” Saeran grumbles as he rolls over and sits up, “Okay, so she shuts up for me if I walk around the house with her, but other than that she just cries.”

“Babies with colic cry a lot, Saeran. She’ll grow out of it and then she’ll be that adorable little bundle of joy.” Yoosung insists, “Did you bring a controller?”

Saeran gets up and fishes the controller from his bag then sinks back down onto the couch as he syncs the controller with Yoosung’s system. “You still see a therapist, right?” Yoosung asks. The question surprises Saeran.

“Uh, yeah. Once a week. Thursdays. Why?” 

Yoosung shrugs and quits to the main screen of the game so he can add Saeran in, “I was just wondering I guess. You’re a lot happier now and I know you probably hate hearing this, but I’m really glad you gave us a chance.” 

The sincerity in his voice makes Saeran blush and he clears his throat as he stares ahead at the TV, “Y-yeah. I feel a lot better now, but I still have… bad days. Or, bad nights. I don’t know. It doesn’t matter.”

One of the problems that comes along with getting closer to people, is how comfortable he’s gotten. He’s started to let things slip he wouldn’t have before, just like this. 

Yoosung turns to him, thumbs playing with the joysticks of the controller as he considers him, “You know you can talk to me… I’m not as good at giving advice as MC, or your therapist for that matter, but I can listen pretty good. Not that you have to! I’m just saying if there’s something bothering you that you can’t talk to Saeyoung, or MC about, or… just, I want to be here for you.” He shrugs and Saeran wrings his fingers together in his lap as he nods.

“I didn’t really mean to tell you that. I’m okay.”

“You don’t have to be.” Yoosung sets his controller down and turns to fully face his friend, “There’re a lot of reasons to not be okay and that’s okay.”

Saeran thinks his relationship with Yoosung is… complicated. There are important things that Yoosung doesn’t know, things he would be better off never knowing, but Saeran aches at the mention of Rika and Yoosung likes to talk about her _often_. 

They’re friends, he and Yoosung, and he cherishes how close they’ve become. Sometimes it feels like it could be something bigger than friendship, but he’s still terrified of that idea and the secrets between them are like a big fucking wall that Saeran doesn’t have the means to get around. 

Once again he’s running in place, but at least now he’s not so alone. 

“I didn’t come here to be lectured.” Saeran says and it sounds a lot snippier than he’d meant, “I mean- no, that came out wrong…”

Yoosung waves him off with a faint smile and picks his controller up again, “It’s okay. I don’t mean to press your buttons. I just want you to know I care.” 

“I know.” Saeran pulls his knees to his chest, “Thank you.” He mumbles, receiving a hum in response as Yoosung shoves another handful of chips into his mouth, then their game begins again and Saeran thinks maybe one day he can figure out how to break walls without breaking everyone around him too.


	4. Yoosung II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a bit of a short one;; oops

“I was unaware that babysitting meant bothering me.” Saeran complains from beneath his pillow. Yoosung laughs, which in turn makes Nari laugh and Saeran thinks the two of them sound fucking adorable together. 

But he’ll never say that out loud.

“Lighten up, uncle Saeran~” Yoosung jabs a finger into Saeran’s side, making the man squeal and jump away from him. “It’s going on noon, do you just plan on sleeping the entire day away?” 

Saeran groans and finally sits up to rub at his eyes. He was up late helping Saeyoung reconfigure one of his stupid little toy’s program and it’d taken a good deal longer than it should have because working with Saeyoung is a joke. 

“I’m up.” Saeran sighs and holds his arms out for Nari. Yoosung deposits the bundle into his arms and yanks the spit up rag from his shoulder to pass to Saeran. 

“She just ate.” 

“Oh joy, give me the full belly and likelihood of being spit up on, how gracious of you.” Saeran’s sarcasm is completely ignored as Yoosung gets up and fishes his phone from his pocket. 

He complains, but he still throws the rag over his own shoulder before he shifts her in his arms to burp her. He watches Yoosung subtly from beneath his bangs. It’s something he’s been doing a lot more frequently lately and he doesn’t know what to make of the feelings that bubble up, but he figures that’s a problem to be solved at a later time. 

After being spit up on, Saeran passes his niece back to Yoosung and yanks his shirt over his head as he heads to the bathroom. He catches Yoosung’s eye on the way and notes the faint blush on his cheeks. Odd. 

Saeran spends the rest of the day bouncing between working on Saeyoung’s toys and entertaining Nari when Yoosung needs a breather. 

MC was right about the toys being something he’d enjoy. He likes working with his hands and programming little personalities for the robots. He likes it better when Saeyoung isn’t around to bother him, but that only lasts for so long. 

Saeyoung and MC are home by 5, but Yoosung still hangs around, opting for taking up a spot in Saeyoung’s workshop beside Saeran while he works. 

“Yanno, I think this suits you.” Yoosung says mater-of-factly.

Saeran glances sideways at him, “What? The toys?”

“Yeah. Well, not necessarily the toys, but the process that goes into making them. You’re good at it.” The compliment is nothing special, but Saeran’s cheeks still feel warm and he’s certain he’s blushing so he keeps his head down. 

“Saeran..?” 

Saeran works his bottoms lip with his teeth and hums.

“Are you happy?”

What kind of question is that? His fingers still and he clears his throat as his back straightens. He can’t lie, well he could, but Yoosung would most certainly appreciate the truth. He settles for, “Most days.” Which is as honest as he can get. 

Most days he is happy, or the closest thing he can get to it. Certain memories are triggered by little things and he still wakes up in the middle of the night in cold sweats because he’s dreamed about _her_ again. Or about his fingers around his brother’s throat. Or about a room with no widows. Or about falling, constantly falling. 

It’s a come and go type thing that depends on several factors, but he is happy for all intents and purposes. He reassures himself often that everyone has bad days and maybe there are occasions where his are a bit more frequent, but most of the time he is happy. 

When Saeran glances over at the blonde beside him, he finds violet eyes already on him, looking at him and not through him. He shudders. 

“You’re not lying to me, right?” Yoosung plays with a wheel from one of the disassembled toys as he stares Saeran down. 

“No,” Saeran drops his gaze, “most days I am happy.”

The door to the workshop bangs open and startles both men. Saeyoung bounds in, arms filled with blueprints and an array of parts for toys. “Don’t let me interrupt, lovebirds~” He teases much to Saeran’s irritation. 

“Fuck off.” He snaps, which only earns him a laugh in response. 

“I’ve got to go, Saeran. I still haven’t touched my homework and it’s due tomorrow, oops. Am I still picking you up on Thursday after your appointment?” Yoosung wonders as he slings his backpack over his shoulder.

Saeran glances at his brother before he nods, “Yeah, four o’clock.” 

Yoosung gives a thumbs up before he heads out, waving over his shoulder as he goes. “Hot date?? Mmm, my little brother is growing up! Allow me to tell you about the birds and the bees~”

“Fuck off.” Saeran snaps again then shoves his brother as he heads to leave too. 

“Awe, don’t be like that, Saeran! I just want to keep you safe! Yoosung is a big bad yandere, you have to be careful!” Saeyoung teases and throws wadded up paper after his brother as he leaves.

Saeran decides he’s going to have to limit Yoosung’s visits and ask MC to keep her husband in line before he “accidently” superglues his hands to his ass.


	5. Yoosung III

It’s twenty after four and Saeran still hasn’t stopped crying and Yoosung has been parked out front for the last half hour and he knows he should really get his shit together, but he can’t. 

There are good days and there are bad days and today, Saeran is having a bad day. 

From the moment he woke up this morning, it’s been bad. 

He dreamt about _her_ again and he knew he was going to be seeing Yoosung today so the dread set in the second he slipped from bed and it hasn’t left. 

Add his therapy session on top of that and it’s really no surprise he’s such a wreck. 

Saeran doesn’t want Yoosung to see him like this, doesn’t want to make the blonde worry unnecessarily, but he’s sure he already is. Soon, he’ll come looking for him so he really only has so many options. 

Eventually, Saeran dabs one last time at his eyes and balls his sweater sleeves in his fists before he heads out, head down and hair hiding his eyes. 

“Saeran!” Yoosung greets enthusiastically as Saeran climbs into the passenger side of his beat up Grand Am. “Hey, are you okay?”

Leave it to Yoosung to be overly aware and genuinely caring. Saeran feels like crying again, not that the tears have really stopped. He nods, buckles his seatbelt, and melts into the seat as he crosses his arms over his chest. 

Yoosung’s fingers drum against the wheel for a moment before he puts the car in reverse and gets them back on the road. He doesn’t know what to say, or if he should just say nothing at all and let Saeran stew, but he hates seeing him upset. 

MC told him before that sometimes after an appointment he just likes to be left alone. Yoosung wonders if now is one of those times and if he should just take him back home so he’s not bothering him, but he doesn’t particularly want to leave Saeran alone. 

So, he decides to ask anyway since he can think of nothing better to do, “How’d it go today?” His voice is gentle, not prying, Saeran notes, but curious and worried. 

“I don’t know.” He says honestly. His voice is still thick with emotion and his throat feels constricted every time he tries to swallow and the tears just keep sliding down his cheeks. 

“We don’t have to talk about it.” Yoosung assures as he glances over at his friend. His heart aches for him. 

Saeran wants to laugh and he does, sort of. It’s an odd sound that forces its way out and he almost sounds like he’s choking. His hands come up to hide his face as he shakes with silent sobs. 

Yoosung panics, thinks he’s said something wrong, and oh fuck how does he fix this? His fingers tighten on the wheel and he reaches over tentatively to rub Saeran’s back, but that only seems to make him cry harder.

Luckily, Yoosung doesn’t live too far out from the small office, so he parks in front of his apartment building and focuses his attention solely on the man beside him. “Saeran,” he runs gentle fingers through messy hair, tries to pull at the hands that cover his face, “please talk to me. How can I help?”

Saeran shakes his head, “I-I don’t k-know.” He lets Yoosung pull his hands away and finally meets violet eyes that are beginning to water. 

“I want to help…” Yoosung’s fingers squeeze Saeran’s wrists and he holds his gaze, admires how flushed his cheeks are and how even though his eyes are puffy and red, they’re still beautiful. “Did I say something wrong? Do you want me to take you home?” 

“N-no,” Saeran rolls his eyes at himself and sits back, lets his head fall back against the seat as he focuses on breathing, “we do have to talk about it.”

They don’t, but they do. Saeran knows if he wants to keep his relationship with Yoosung open and honest, if he wants things to progress, or even stay as they are now, he needs to tell him. He needs to be able to confide in him and make him understand that people wear masks. 

But he doesn’t want to hurt Yoosung. Not like this, not by breaking his faith in someone he cares for, looks up to. It’s not his right, not his place, not his decision to make, but at the same time it is. 

“Okay, we can talk about it.” Yoosung nods encouragingly, “Anything. You can tell me anything, Saeran.” 

Saeran’s bottom lip trembles and he has to fight the urge to break down again because he’s so amazed someone like Yoosung exists in his life. “I don’t want to hurt you.” He whispers.

Yoosung’s brows furrow and he cocks his head to the side. Saeran thinks he looks like a puppy, thinks his wide eyes are too trusting and naïve, thinks maybe he should just let this go instead of forcing it out, but there are some things he just can’t let go of yet.

“If it’s you… it’s fine.” Yoosung says with a shy smile, “I can take it.”

Saeran shudders, “Sometimes you look like _her_ … and I hate that.”

“What?” Yoosung frowns.

“She did this to me. Your Rika.”


	6. Yoosung IV

Yoosung laughs because he doesn’t know what else to do. The words settle slowly on his chest like a weight and when Saeran’s eyes meet his again, he feels like he may just throw up. 

“No.” He shakes his head in disbelief, “No she’d never. What’re you saying.. haha” His fingers fall from Saeran’s wrists and run through his own hair, bumping the clips that hold his bangs back. “Not her,” He mumbles.

Saeran can show him the proof. He can recount in detail the torture, the agonizing hours he spent chained and locked up after being promised paradise. The lies they fed him daily, the way she made him believe Saeyoung was to blame, V was to blame, everyone else, yet she was his savior. 

His fingers scratch at his shoulder through the thick material of his sweater where she left her mark on him. He’d once been so willing and now he fantasized about taking a blade to the inked skin, slicing it off until he was no longer branded. 

She did this to him.

“I’ll show you.” Saeran offers, his voice hardly louder than a whisper in the quiet car. Yoosung still looks stricken, his face contorted into a mix of confusion and pain. He continues to shake his head, but he knows he needs to see the proof before he even considers believing Rika could do something as horrible as this. 

And it’s a little bit funny how ready he was to hear Saeran out, listen to anything the man had to say because he cares so deeply for him, but _this_ is not what he had expected to hear. He understood, now, why Saeran had said he didn’t want to hurt him. 

Part of him wants to believe Saeran is lying, that he’s pulling some sick prank, but Saeran doesn’t pull pranks on him like Saeyoung and Saeran _knows_ how much Rika means to him. He nods, lets his hair fall from where he’s held it back out of his face, “Show me.” 

Saeran follows Yoosung into his apartment and hovers while Yoosung boots up his computer. The information was destroyed, or so Saeyoung had said, but Saeran knows his brother better than that and so found the file buried amidst others and read it himself.

Read it over and over again just to remind himself that _she’s_ the one who betrayed him in the end. He moves to begin the process of hacking into his brother’s files again and in the back of his mind he knows he’ll get bitched at for it later, but this is more important right now. 

“Here,” Saeran steps back once he has the pages pulled up. They detail Rika’s mental state, the state of those found and rescued from Mint Eye, the drugs they pushed through their systems, the abuse, the horrors of it all. He feels sick just looking at it and knows this is going to be the biggest turning point in their relationship. 

Yoosung scoots closer and grabs his mouse back, violet eyes trained on the screen. Saeran doesn’t want to watch him fall apart so he excuses himself to the bathroom and tries to hold his composure.

His self-control doesn’t last long and today must be a _really_ bad day because the tears just keep coming. He turns the faucet on, lets the cold water run and sticks his hands beneath the steady stream. There’s a part of him that feels relieved, but a bigger part of him wants to take it all back and hide it forever so he doesn’t have to deal with it. He shuts the water off and runs his damp hands through his hair, pushes his bangs from his face and stares at himself in the mirror. 

Saeran hates himself, especially in this moment when he feels so weak. His thoughts stray to Saeyoung and he feels that anger flare up, but it’s because he knows he needs his brother, but he doesn’t want to need him. He doesn’t want to need anybody. His breath begins to come quickly, lungs burning when he can’t drag in enough air to sate them, and his hands tremble with the onset of panic. He starts to pace, fingers alternating between pulling at his hair and wringing around each other. 

He does the only thing he can think to do, “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” Reciting scripture drags him back to his younger years when Saeyoung read from the bible in the middle of the night to keep both of them sane, to give them both something to hope for.

“That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” Saeran lets out a long, shuddering breath and places his hands on the countertop. 

There’s a soft knock at the bathroom door and Saeran drops his head, “Come in.” He mumbles, but doesn’t move from where he stands. 

Warm, strong arms warp around his waist and he can feel Yoosung’s solid body press up against his own. Something wet drips onto his sweater and he hears Yoosung sniff, arms tightening around his middle. “I’ll _never_ let anyone hurt you ever again.” His voice is quiet, but his words are strong and sure. Saeran lets his head fall back against Yoosung’s shoulder and closes his eyes. “If you need something to believe in, believe in me. If you need someone to depend on, depend on me. Let me be what you need, Saeran. Have faith in me, please.”


	7. Yoosung V

Yoosung’s arm is a comforting weight against Saeran’s side and he finds himself wondering where they’ll go from here. 

For a long time, the two of them stood there in the bathroom silently. Saeran observed Yoosung’s arms around his waist in the mirror, the way their skin tones were nearly the same, how hard Yoosung shook when Saeran told him it’d be okay. He didn’t really believe his own words, but he needed to say something to reassure Yoosung.

Now, they lay in Yoosung’s bed and it’s still quiet, but Yoosung is no longer crying. His eyes are closed and his breathing is even, but Saeran is pretty sure he’s still awake. His arm is resting across Saeran’s side from where he lies facing the blonde, but that’s the only contact they have. The small space between them feels like a canyon to Saeran, but he doesn’t want to cross anymore lines tonight. 

Yoosung’s lips part and his fingers splay against Saeran’s side, “I’m sorry.” He murmurs, the only thing he’s really been saying since they crawled into bed. 

“I know.” Saeran hushes him, but violet eyes flutter open and search his own.

“If I would have known,”

Saeran shakes his head and sighs, “It’s over.”

“I’ll never forgive her.” Yoosung says coldly. His eyebrows furrow again and his fingers grip Saeran’s sweater tightly. “Never.” 

“Just look at me.” Saeran whispers and his voice shakes a little bit because Yoosung is always looking at him. His fingers release the fabric and slide up Saeran’s side, up to cup his face where his thumb rubs tenderly against his cheek. 

The blush is prominent on Yoosung’s cheeks, but his actions are sure and his gaze is unwavering. He swallows nervously, “You’re very important to me.” 

Saeran’s own cheeks feel hot under Yoosung’s touch. All he can do is nod, but it’s enough for Yoosung apparently because the blonde shifts up on his elbow and leans over Saeran. He hesitates, wide eyes searching Saeran’s, “C-can I..?” Saeran wants to roll his eyes, but he nods instead and wraps his fingers around Yoosung’s wrist as he leans the rest of the way in and presses their lips together.

It’s soft and chaste, but it makes Saeran’s heart pound in his chest anyway. Yoosung pulls away after a moment, lingers, and then kisses him again. It’s still soft, but there’s an urgency and a longing that makes Saeran pull him a little bit closer until he has his fingers knotted in blonde hair and their tongues meet shyly. 

Both of them are breathless by the time they separate. Yoosung shifts until he has his face buried in Saeran’s neck and Saeran runs his fingers idly through his hair, petting him. He wants to ask what this means for them, if it’s a one-time thing or if maybe Yoosung wants the same kind of thing he does. He thinks it’s safe to assume, but doesn’t want to be wrong, so he doesn’t ask and instead closes his eyes.

-

Morning brings a panicked Saeyoung barreling into the room, startling both Yoosung and Saeran from sleep. 

“Where have you been?!?” Saeyoung is out of breath, presumably from running. 

“What the shit, Saeyoung? What time is it even?” Saeran pats his pockets, but finds no phone. 

“I don’t _care_ what time it is! Neither of you returned my texts or calls and all I could think was my poor baby brothers got kidnapped!” Saeyoung whines, but his shoulders relax then he crosses the room and flops down on the bed on top of Saeran. 

Yoosung rolls over and yanks the covers back over him while Saeran shoves at his brother, “Get off. Who do you think I am, anyway? Like someone could kidnap me.” 

“Tragic, so tragic. I hardly slept a wink worrying about my Saeran!” Saeyoung ignores Saeran’s jabs until he manages to land a finger somewhere ticklish and sends Saeyoung scrambling from the bed. 

“I’m sure you were busy with a child rather.” Saeran rubs at his sore eyes, “We were fine, just… had a long night.” 

Saeyoung makes a face and covers his ears, “Not listening!”

“Bastard.” Saeran throws a pillow at him and tugs the blankets from Yoosung, making the blonde groan in protest, “I told him about Rika.” Saeyoung freezes and drops the pillow he was ready to launch back at his brother, eyes flickering to Yoosung. 

“Why? What? How? _Why?_ ” Saeyoung’s worried gaze flickers between the two of them. He eventually sits at the foot of the bed. 

“He had a right to know and him not knowing… complicated things.”

“Him knowing _complicates_ things.” Saeyoung argues.

“I’m right here.” Yoosung reminds as he sits up. “I’m upset with you, by the way, for not telling me in the first place. Why would you hide something so important from me?”

Saeyoung rubs at the back of his neck and avoids Yoosung’s eyes, “V didn’t-

Yoosung cuts him off, “I don’t care what V did or didn’t want. She’s my cousin, Saeyoung, and she hurt my bo- my.. she hurt Saeran and I had a right to know. I sat here talking to him about her _all the time_ and he just listened. How do you think that made him feel? How do you think it makes me feel now that I know?”

“Look, I know. You can hate me all you want, but it was better at the time to keep it from you and Zen. It was sensitive material and none of us wanted someone bigger getting ahold of the information, so we got rid of it entirely and then you two, you and Zen, shipped her off. I still don’t know if that was the best move, but regardless.” Saeyoung shakes his head and pulls his glasses off to rub at his eyes. 

“It matters to me. Saeran matters to me.” Yoosung states firmly, blush spreading across his cheeks.

Saeyoung smiles knowingly, “Glad the two of you are done dancing around each other. I’m sorry, Yoosung, I know we should have told you, but none of us knew how and none of us wanted to make things any worse. I’ll get out of your hair if you promise to _text me back_ next time.” Saeran waves him off, eager to get rid of his twin. “And Yoosung,”

“What?”

“Take care of my baby brother.” Saeyoung winks before he leaves, the front door slamming behind him. 

Saeran flops back into bed and throws an arm over his face to hide his embarrassment. Yoosung curls up beside him, hands pulling at Saeran’s wrists. “Sometimes I hate your brother,”

“Me too.” Saeran huffs.

“But, I’ll take care of you if you take care of me too.” Yoosung manages to pry Saeran’s hands away from his face and laughs when he sees him blushing. “Alright?”

Saeran nods, “Yeah, alright.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welp, that is all I have for this one. I'm not sure how satisfying of an ending it is, but it felt like a good place to leave things. though, I'm considering a bit of an epilogue, but for right now dis be it~   
> thanks for reading and leaving beautiful comments <3


End file.
